The Miss and Mix of Alzheimer’s

Today I sat with Mom so Dad could go out for lunch with my brother.  She was pretty mellow for most of the time, often dozing off and leaning her head on my arm. But at one point Mom randomly said, “I miss me.”

“You miss you?”

“Yep,” she answered.  “I miss me.”  I didn’t know how to respond, but I kept thinking that I missed her, too.

I stopped back at Mom’s this afternoon to drop some things off I’d picked up for them.  Mom and I sat and visited a bit. As I’d been driving on my errands today I’d wondered when Mom last knew me because it seems like months since she got my name right. So, as we sat together, even though I’ve about given up hope, I asked, “What’s my name?”

And she answered, “Cheryl.” I think I felt as thrilled as when my babies took their first steps!  I cheered and clapped.

And I think that Alzheimer’s brings such a mix. There are tears of profound sadness.  There is laughter that spills out from the jumbles of craziness. There are losses that feel unbearable. There are victories that bring dancing cheers.

And through it all Jesus is whispering, repeating words that I read often in my Bible.  Words like I just read in Haggai… “ ‘Be strong….and do the work; for I am with you,’ says the Lord of hosts.” And again, “ ‘…My Spirit remains among you; do not fear!’”

And I’m grateful for the covering of courage and comfort His presence brings on this journey.  And I’m thankful that I never have to miss Him, because He doesn’t change and He is always there. And I never have to wonder if He remembers my name, because He knew me even as He created me in my mother’s womb. And He will stay with me and carry me into old age until He draws me into the arms of eternity with Him. My Jesus is so good.