These thoughts from five years ago impact me even more today. Wow, I feel weak lately. I’m still grieving my dear daddy who passed on nine months ago. Still missing Mama, who we lost the end of 2016. And now my husband’s job has been eliminated and he had a heart attack this past Sunday.
He’s home now and I think he will be fine. But all the lessons God was teaching me as I was taking care of Mom are amplified. Oh I feel like curling up in bed and crying! And I think it’s okay if I do. For a little while.
But I don’t need to stay there. Because God is with me. His grace will sustain us. He grows us through the hard stuff.
He will work all things out for good as we trust in Him. He is faithful! He is worthy of our trust! And His love and presence are real!
Some days Mom’s new normal hardly fazes me. Other days it totally exhausts me. Today is one of those other days.
I was over at Mom’s less than two hours, but I came home depleted and wanting to curl up and cry. I just felt weak and vulnerable, hearing my sweet mama vehemently screaming, “Shut up! I hate you! I’m gonna kill you!”
I know she doesn’t mean it and doesn’t really understand what she’s saying. Her own fear and anxiety is agitating her. I tried to comfort her and hug her. And I wished she could comfort and hug me.
As I drove home I prayed and I wondered why. Why Alzheimer’s? Why my dear mama? Why is it so hard? Why?
And the only answer I thought perhaps I heard was, “Sometimes it is hard. I never promised easy.”
It wasn’t especially comforting.
But as I think about the people God used in the Bible, who did have it easy? Joseph was almost killed by his brothers, was sold into slavery, and was falsely accused and imprisoned. Yet, God worked good out of it all…for his whole family and the people of that time.
Daniel was thrown into a lion’s den, and his friends were thrown into a fiery furnace, and Job lost all of his children and his health and riches for a time. We could go on and on, looking at all the unfair and challenging things that happened to people in the Bible. We could ask why over and over. And sometimes we might see answers, and other times not.
And I open my Bible and “happen” to open to this passage, “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ 2 Corinthians (12: 8,9, NKJV)
Oh, I do feel so weak. And in the pain and muddiness and despair of it all I fall at His feet and curl up there and weep and ask why.
And then He lifts me up from the ground, and He comforts me and wipes away my tears and breathes courage into me. And He knows that it is a hard road we are on. And He knows that I’m weak. But he holds me up and reassures me that He is strong. He is powerful and so very strong. And He will be with me through it all.
And He holds my hand firmly and smiles warmly into my eyes and says, “My grace is sufficient for you.”
And I know it is true.