I Don’t Want my Mom to be Erased

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I feel like my mom is slowly being erased.  Yesterday I went to the bank, with my file of power of attorney papers, to make some money transfers for my parents.  As I was there the financial planner asked questions about my folks.  He said, to protect the accounts, we should get a letter from her doctor saying she’s incompetent to deal with financial decisions and that we should take her name off  the accounts.

After the meeting I kept feeling crabby, and I didn’t know why.  As I was driving to an event later that evening, I realized I was dealing with another loss.  I thought I was used to them.  The first time the neurologist told us mom had AD it felt so crushing, even though we suspected the truth. And then the first dozen times or so that she asked me who I was—it broke my heart.  Even though I knew it was going to happen because of the nature of the disease.

Dad and I both hesitate to get rid of things that belong to Mom, even though she doesn’t use them anymore. Maybe it’s too confirming that she never will.  Her sewing machine sits unused. Her china and crystal dishes are dusty. She can’t drive or cook anymore.  She can barely read. She doesn’t know she’s a mother.  She doesn’t remember my name half the time. She obviously isn’t competent to make financial decisions.  She hasn’t been for years.  So why does it bother me to request this letter from her doctor?

Maybe because it’s the confirmation of another loss.  We’re removing her name from something that’s hers.  It feels like we’re erasing her. And like she’s slowly fading away.  And I wish I had some kind of big, powerful magic markers that I could somehow use to “color” her back in and make her strong and bright and vivid again.

But I sense Jesus close by and He reminds me that there will be a “restoration of all things” (Acts 3:21).  And He lifts my chin and says with love, that though my concerns are real and He cares, it will all be okay.  Because even if Mom’s name were to be totally erased on this earth, she loves Jesus and her name is written in heaven. (Luke 10:20)  And Jesus tenderly tells me to rejoice in that!

Mom’s name is written in heaven and it reserves a future with Him. A future that does not end and will never be erased.

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