Posted by The other day Mom said, “You have me and I have you.” And I’m so grateful for this moment that it is true. Because I’ve seen shadows from the future lurking around. Shadows that I want to ignore.
A week or so ago I was talking to Dad and he says, “You know if Mom becomes immobile she’ll have to go to a nursing home. She’ll just have to.” He’s sitting close to Mom on the love seat, holding her hand. I’m choking up, thankful for the moment that his vision is so poor and that he can’t see my overflowing eyes.
Dad adds, “But it would devastate me now. When she’s not hollering and screaming she’s still pretty nice. Like right now, when she’s holding my hand and patting my arm…I like that. And sometimes she still comes up behind me when I’m sitting in my chair and says, “I love you.
”I’ve been trying to convince Dad to allow me to get him more help. So, after a silence to regain my composure, I manage to say, “But you need more help now, Dad.”
“Why?” Dad says. “It’s all I have to do. And it’s a labor of love. I just love her so much.” I choke back more tender tears.And then a few days ago, I am sitting on the love seat with Mom chatting and singing with her. She is cuddling up next to me and patting my arm and trying to rub the freckles and spots off of it. And I’m singing one of “our” songs. “Oh we ain’t got a barrel of……”
And I pause and wait to see if Mom will say “money” or “nothin’”.
“Maybe we’re ragged and…..”
Mama plugs in, “Funny.”And we continue through the song this way, Mama adding the last word of each stanza. Until I get to the verse, “Through all kinds of weather, what if the rain should fall, just as long as we’re together, it doesn’t matter…” And I’m suddenly crying. Because it hits me hard that we won’t always be together.Someday I’ll be sitting here alone. And Mama won’t be singing with me. And she won’t be hollering and shouting and being difficult and making big messes. And she won’t be smiling and laughing and patting my arm. And who else will ever try to rub the freckles off my arm with their finger?
“Why?” Dad says. “It’s all I have to do. And it’s a labor of love. I just love her so much.” I choke back more tender tears.And then a few days ago, I am sitting on the love seat with Mom chatting and singing with her. She is cuddling up next to me and patting my arm and trying to rub the freckles and spots off of it. And I’m singing one of “our” songs. “Oh we ain’t got a barrel of……”
And I pause and wait to see if Mom will say “money” or “nothin’”.
“Maybe we’re ragged and…..”
Mama plugs in, “Funny.”And we continue through the song this way, Mama adding the last word of each stanza. Until I get to the verse, “Through all kinds of weather, what if the rain should fall, just as long as we’re together, it doesn’t matter…” And I’m suddenly crying. Because it hits me hard that we won’t always be together.Someday I’ll be sitting here alone. And Mama won’t be singing with me. And she won’t be hollering and shouting and being difficult and making big messes. And she won’t be smiling and laughing and patting my arm. And who else will ever try to rub the freckles off my arm with their finger?
We won’t always be together. We won’t always be side by side. And I’m crying tears and Mama looks at me and doesn’t know what to do. So she starts chuckling. And I wipe my tears away and hug her and chuckle too.
And I think now of all the tears I’ve shed on this Alzheimer’s journey. And I think how very, very precious the truth of heaven and eternity and restoration have become.
And so for today I’ll ignore the shadows. And instead I’ll walk in the sunshine with my Jesus, holding His hand and trusting Him for grace for the future. And I’ll cuddle my mama and say with her, “You have me and I have you.”
And I”ll listen and know that Jesus is whispering, “You have Me and I have you.” And I’m so grateful.
God's Grace and Life's Challenges 
It’s a sad and terrible disease, and I so admire your ability to see the sweetness in the moments you have with your mother.
I appreciate your sharing and it helps bring out the bright moments I have with my mother. I know it will never be the same but the time I have is so precious. The I love you’s just awesome. The smiles heart warming. It is a sad a terrible disease but others sharing help me through some of the tough times.
Thank you, Eldon. I find sharing helps me, too. I’m thankful to hear that what I share helps you in any way. May God bless you and your dear mother.
It is a sad disease. I’m so thankful God is with us and giving us grace day by day. Thank you for your encouraging words, hereswhatsgoingon!
Your comment is so true. I do not understand people who chose not to spend much time with a person with Alzheimer’s saying I want to remember them the way they were……Those people do miss out on some good moments too. Just a short visit can bring a smile to a person with Alzheimer’s and that should be enough for you to want to spend more time with the person. You can’t set and hold their hand once their in heaven.
That is a lovely post and photo – your poor dad. Poor you. Poor mum.
It’s such a heart-breaking disease, isn’t it…?