Posted by I was skimming some other dementia blogs lately and a reader had written in saying, that though she felt guilty about it, she wished her mother would die in her sleep and not have to continue living through the pain and indignity of dementia. I’ve heard others say things like, “I’ve told my kids if I ever get Alzheimer’s just shoot me.”
I understand where these comments are coming from, but they make my heart heavy. I feel like these attitudes devalue my Mom’s life right now. Even though they are not specifically referencing her, they are in effect saying that people like her are better off dead. It is hard to see Mom changing and confused and upset. But she still has sweet times of love and joy, too. And God still has a purpose for her life.
He is growing our patience as we care for her. He is developing our tenderness and mercy. God is giving us opportunities to show love to a dear mom who loved us all so well when she was able and strong. He’s sending us smiles and laughter with Mom’s quirky ways and funny words. He’s challenging us to love faithfully when she is angry and difficult.
People with dementia are still people. And God still has a plan for their lives. Even when they are bedridden and can do nothing at all, maybe their very life keeps us clinging to God more. Maybe their very existence draws us closer to God as we seek Him and cry out to Him.
I fear having AD someday myself. (My mind already concerns me too often.) But if that day comes I’m not going to tell my kids, even jokingly, to just shoot me. What I would say to them is this…. Pray and trust God to guide you. Get as much help as you can. I don’t want you to sacrifice your life plans or family for my sake, but I want to always be part of your life.
If you need to find a nursing home for me, I understand. Pray about it and seek wisely. And then visit me often. Even if I don’t seem to know you, believe in your heart that part of me does. Hold my hand and talk to me. Tell me all about your life. Sing to me and read the Bible to me, please. Brush my hair and tell me memories of your childhood.
If I’m still able to chew be sure to bring chocolate. (You know your mom.) And hopefully I’ll have some adorable grandchildren to marvel over.
And don’t forget to take some time to just sit quietly next to me. Hold my wrinkled hand and let God whisper to your soul. I’m so sorry you have to go through this painful journey with me, but God will give you strength and grow you through it all. Hold fast unto Him. Sink deep into His love.
Everything will be better in heaven. Meanwhile, when I can’t talk anymore; just know that I love you forever and that being a mom to you was an honor and the delight of my life.
That’s what I’d say to my children. Oh, and I might throw in a “Be nice to your brother” for old-time’s sake.
God's Grace and Life's Challenges 
So very true for the spouse who’s with this person daily. They still see the person of the past. The person of just last week. The change is slow enjoy the ride together….
I love this. No one should wish for anyone to die. We don’t know if they wouldn’t want to live. I’m never ready to say that.
Have you lived through this? I have, with my Mother and the wish is not for them to die but for the suffering to end. You watch someone you love die one piece at a time. Many are left to deal with these loved ones alone. Friends and family are afraid or just WON”T deal with it if they don’t have to. This article is very good and there are positives to be gleamed from this experience. It’s just much more difficult than outlined here.
I also feel confused sometimes and my husband tries to help me stop and think.
I’m blessed by his help.
Eleanor Sheets
I found this article to be lovely. Not too long and tiresome. I feel that I would do the same if I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s This is so important.
I’ve seen first hand what Alzheimer’s does to a person. My mother, grandmother and great aunt had it. I can’t be that brave to want to live if/ when I get it. I don’t want my loved ones to see me this way, but I will let it run its course and put it in God’s loving hands.
Yes, and although unlike you I don’t fear getting Alzheimer’s disease, I GREATLY fear the kind of care I’m likely to get if we don’t drastically change the existing models and systems. That’s why I’ve become a vocal advocate for better dementia care!
http://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/01/30/i-may-have-alzheimers-disease/
This hits home as we are dealing with this right now, thank you for sharing this, it helps me remember all the things spoke of hear, and I pray I can be more patient and understanding through it all….
Thank you for your comment, Linda. I’m grateful to hear this post has touched you. May God give you grace and strength in this challenging time of life. ~Cheryl
It can be a battle I just went through this with a 95 year old aunt who recently passed away. Alzheimer’s/ Dementia effect us all even the caregivers. You will have your good days and bad as will they. The key to it all is to keep a good sense of humor and take time for your self as well. And it’s ok to ask people for help when it comes to caring for them at times you need a team. We did and it helped.Most importantly your not alone and your doing a wonderful thing by taking the time to care for them.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. My dad had AD and although it was painful to watch, we have some really funny memories of his last year with us. After he passed away, my mom continued to hear stories from the nursing home staff how he would minister and pray for people. He was a pastor during the later years of his life. That part of him never went away. I lived 3,000 miles away from him but went to see him twice during that last year. My family there saw him weekly or more and my mom went to see him every day. We were blessed. I am so thankful for things I learned because we went through this. Thank you again for sharing.
I hsve had signs of estly dementia because of the surgeries I have had; (5 brsin tumors removed, over the course of 30 years). It appears the war is over but the effects of surgery and treatmenthsve left one last battle, luckily there is a ntreatment that is doing wonders, it is new to this arena of medicine and worth mentioning to anyone dealing with similar simptoms. Hyoerbaric Oxygen Chamber Treatment. I am so much better than I was a month ago, it is anazing how researchers keep coming up with new ways to treat deseases!
Be blessed, hang in there, you never know what is around the corner,
Susan Kiggins, Colorado
I’m sorry to hear all you’ve been through, Susan. thankful to hear you have found something helpful though. That is encouraging! thank you for sharing your story.
~Cheryl~
Rachel, This is so sweetly written and I am so sorry that your Mother is going through this , but, she had a loving family and knows God. That is the most cherished things she can have. I am praying for the family as you take care of her. She is a very precious woman.
It may be that the first comments in your blog were not the value those others see in your mother’s life but that which they think they are able to tolerate in their own. It could be a desire to be able to go on as they had before and not have to deal with the hardships that AD presents.
Precious! Very timely!
Thank you for sharing this. AD runs in my family and genetic markers indicate a higher than normal risk for me. I have always said that I would end my own life rather than let my daughters suffer through this. Your article has made me think about how to talk with them as I grow older. Bless you and your family.
Holly, I’m sorry AD runs in your family, as it does in mine. It is hard to see my mother changing and declining, but I have had so many precious moments and new memories made with her. We have grown closer to God as we have cared for her. I’m thankful for every new day I have with her, even though she doesn’t know me anymore. I’m grateful for the blessing of showing her love for as long as God allows us the privilege. I can’t imagine the pain we would be in if mom had chosen to take her own life. I pray that you don’t get AD and that you have many years to come with your family.
This is a reminder of the daily life with my Grandmother. Sometimes she gets very frustrated at her forgetfulness, I tell her not to worry to much, at almost 93, you have a lot to remember. But I know it bothers her, not being able to remember birthdays or anniversaries (dates of deaths or other life events).
I often catch myself, in a harsh tone, reminding her of what she has asked 3 or 4 times that day. Then I feel so awful. I know it is short term that she doesn’t, no matter how vital that information is. But she remembers to take her medicine and she can still cook, clean the house, do her laundry and bathe herself. She is not in need of care-taking. I have been her for 10 years, by way of my own illness. So, Gramma does not need someone to watch her, but I think it gives her some peace of mind having someone (even if it is a medicated 48 year old grandchild) around for when she is feeling weak or lightheaded.
One of the hardest things is when she becomes sad, not her loss of memory, but her loss of family and childhood or friends her age. Their is no one left that she grew up with, none of Grandpa’s side of the family, Her parents and her siblings have all been gone for years and Grandpa’s cousin, with whom Gramma was close, passed on early last month (June 3, 2016). When she found out, there was this look in her eyes, it was only for a moment but it transferred to her cheeks, which seemed to drop, as if her cheeks could frown. I am not certain how to explain that, but all I could of was when a friend of hers passed away a few years ago, “I do not want to be the last one left.” And now she is.
I love reliving old memories withe her, mostly of times before I was born. She can become so happy and her cheeks look perky. She often recalls life as a child, before, during and after the Great Depression. She was not from money and she and Grandpa were not rich, but she said they always seemed to have what was needed. But back then, there was not the noted differences in income levels as we have today.
So I will just have to check myself when she asks me for a fourth time, who is that actor. She never seemed to become annoyed at me when I was ill and needed her, It just hurts the heart to watch someone you love, loose what we all hold so precious; time.
Thanks for sharing your story, Leanna. God bless you and your dear Grandma. I love that you relive old memories with her. We all need the grace and patience that God gives as we lean on Him. Love and hugs! ~Cheryl
Dear Leanna, My wife and I deliver CD’s of the latest church service to several of our churches shut ins. Two of them are in later stages of Dementia/alzhiemers and I completely understand your feelings when you speak of hearing for the 4th or 5th time the same question or any of a dozen other things that comes to our friends mind. One of our friends does not even know who we are but she remembers our faces and she smiles when we enter the room. The other woman does not remember our names either, but knows that we are from the church. We sit and talk to her for a while and when we get up to leave the look on her face is of true love that we were there to just talk to her. She loves to talk about the time of her childhood when she lived on the farm. She remembers where she played and many of her good times, but she cannot tell me what she had for lunch just two hours ago. Leanna, remember what Jesus said, paraphrasing, “When you visit one of my sick children , you are visiting Me. ” God Loves you remember that!
Dennis, thank you for sharing your story and your example with us and for your encouraging words to Leanna! God bless you! ~Cheryl
You are fortunate Leanna. This is not Alzheimer’s Disease, I don’t mean to belittle your experience, but I get a little hyped when someone tells me their relative has Alzheimer’s Disease when they are experiencing Dimentia as a result of old age. It’s different and not about forgetting. I have unfortunately witnessed A Grandmother, Mother and Aunt all die from Symptoms related to Alzheimer’s Disease that they began to show signs of in their early 60’s.
Glen Campbell recorded a song called I’m not going to miss you…Beautiful. Look on youtube to heare it . He is going through this now. I hope to always remember this song..Amen to everyone
It is beautiful. Thanks for sharing!
These words will really help children & families struggling with any kind of dementia
Thank you, Jean. I hope they do. ~Cheryl
Oh every word reminds me of my mother and how my dad would often ask me “why do you think we all go through times like these” and this writing above is exactly how we dealt with it and coped through it .🙏🏻 we were fortunate enough to be able to keep moma home in her own surroundings until our dads so sudden demise and 22months later she also went to meet our creator. Thanks for sharing this story!! I still miss my mom and dad so much!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Connie. What a blessing you were able to keep your momma home as long as you did. May God comfort and bless you. ~Cheryl
Beautiful and wonderful! I lost my Mom to AD two years ago and it scares me to think that my children will have to go through it again with me.
I’m sorry for your loss, Cindy. I understand your fears! I’m praying we get a cure for Alzheimer’s soon! I wish my Mom didn’t have it, but I’ve grown a lot in caring for her and have had many sweet times, too. God will give grace to our children if they have to care for us someday. ~Cheryl
Having just lost my mother to lengthy path of A/D I understand this very much. Your words “Let God lead you” are very well put. We struggled with this and watched Dad’s health suffer due to his desire to BE her all. In all of it tho and thru to the end we saw Gods hand in EVERYTHING. Even up to her last breath we experience HIS guiding hand. It is not our will but GODS that we need to seek. only then can HIS work florish for all to see.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Wendi. What a beautiful testimony that you saw God’s hand in everything and that He was with you through it all. May He continue to bless and comfort you. ~Cheryl
I cared for my mother during her fight with alzhememiers. She sang happy birthday to me but could not remember my name. There was a pa use and a smile, so I filled in the blank. She loved my children. My daughter went to her one day and said do you remember my name? With the sweetest smile she looked up at her and said no but I know I’m suppose to love you. There are so many stories and so many more blessings she gave me during those times. If I had it to do over again I would only this time I would even do it better. I haven’t figured out what I will tell my children if this should happen to me. I don’t know if like my mom I’d tell them to seek a home for me or if I would suggest that caring for your mom during times like this will always bring you such comfort and joy in the end.
Thank you for sharing your story, Paula. I’m sorry for your loss but thankful that you have sweet memories and comfort in knowing that you loved your mother well. I know what you mean about wanting to do it even better. We see things in hind sight that we wish we could improve on. But I guess we were doing the best we knew how at the time and learning as we went along. May God bless you! ~Cheryl
Thank you for sharing, it is beautifully written. People tell me I visit my husband too often in the memory care unit, that my life is not over. Well, neither is his, and his face still brightens up when I walk in, or take him ice cream, his favorite thing! We can’t carry on a conversation any more, but he still tries to make me laugh. I am fortunate that he is still sweet natured and not aggressive. The hardest thing I had to admit was that I could no longer care for him at home, but he gets good care and God opened all the doors right when I needed it. He was a minister of music and no longer remembers the words to sing, but loves music. My plea to you is to be advocate for them and remember how they cared for you!
Marilyn, No one but you knows what you and your husband need from each other at this time, and how often you visit. My mom is in a similar stage. We still talk briefly, but very little. Her face lights up every time I visit and she says, “where have you been, I have been looking for you!”, and I say, “well, I always know where you are and I always find you!”
She will eventually forget who we are, but she will never forget how we make her feel.
You are doing what you feel is right for you and your husband. No one can tell you how often is too often. You do need to take care of yourself…eating properly, proper sleep, etc…in order to be of the best benefit to your husband. Remember that you don’t want any regrets in caring. I took care of my mother in 1994, until I could no longer give her the care she needed, and information to the public was minimal. Awareness was made when President Reagan was diagnosed, also in 1994. I help to raise funds and walk at our Alzheimer’s annual walk. Take care…I will pray for you as you go on this journey w/your husband.
Marilyn, what a blessing that your husband’s face still lights up when you walk in and that he’s still sweet. I wish I could say the same about my mom. But I remember the kind person she was and cherish the sweet moments that come in glimpses here and there. God bless you for being there for your husband. I don’t believe you’ll regret a moment of the time you spend with him now. I’m sure it was hard to move him out of your home, but you are still there for him and watching out for him. May god give you grace for the journey. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. ~Cheryl
Oh my goodness. I lost my mom almost a month ago. So much of this article is about me and my mom in that third paragraph. My mom suffered years with dementia and Alzheimer’s. I think there was a reason God kept her around for years. The last 8 months of her life she was completely bedridden. Three different times I had moved in with them to help take care of her at home. I was not always patient when she would ask questions over and over. So, in those last 8 months I learned to be more patient and nice with my mom. I felt it was an honor to be there to take care of her, whether it was to be brush her hair, bathe her or change her diapers, when most of the time she didn’t know my name, but she knew I was her daughter. She went to Jesus peacefully in her sleep. It still is very hard even though I know she was healed.
Thank you. I wish I had this to guide me several years ago.
There are things I wish I’d known earlier, too. We all keep learning as we go along. May God give you grace and comfort. ~Cheryl
Kathy you found what to say to people that don’t hold life sacred. My husband Allan is faithful every week to go and play piano for them . He goes a couple times a week. We give out now or later candy. This is his ministry in his retirement YEARS while I stay home and home school the other three kids. Some people like piano and some Don’t but they don’t remember cause we all are living in the moment.
My mom always told me that if she got it to put her in a place where she is taken care of go see her and make sure she is ok. Unfortunately that is exactly what has happened and we do just that. She is still relevant and we are glad she is still with us. Never the less we have to make painfully hard decisions abut her care daily but we do it because we love her
Dear Floyd, I am so sorry that you had to male that decision. We weigh what is best against feeling we are letting our parents down. I suppose aome peace you can seek, olis knowing Mom told you that is she wanted if this point ever came.
I pray you are able to find some point of peace for yourself. I’m not your Mom, but if the same situation arose, I would not want my daughter filled with guilt. I’d only wish for her to hold onto our memories, nor she will be the keeper of my memories
I sympathize for anyone who faces this battle in anyway. However, my family’s struggle with my mom is not one of someone who is simply confused or doesn’t remember things and shares “funny words.” My mother is virtually totally non-verbal and combative. It’s difficult to see the mother who was such a neat and tidy homemaker who we joking called Martha Stewart become someone who doesn’t want to take a bath or put on clean clothes and can’t fix her own plate of food. I understand and totally respect the thoughts and feelings of the author here as they apply to her situation. I know God has a plan and a reason for why this has happened in my family, and some of those I see already. However, this is NOT my mother, and this is NOT how I want to remember her. I don’t want to lose my mother and remember her as the woman who wanted nothing to do with her only grandchild or who would pout and cause a scene in a store. I want to remember the woman I knew, and if this is what happens to me one day I hope that my children will not bear the burden of my care and remember me in my better days also.
Dear Ms. Sherry,
You don’t know me but I just happened to come across this blog entry about Alzheimer’s and Dementia. My grandma was diagnosed with sun downers and we have seen, over this past year, a slow degrading in her mental capacity. She is, for the most part, still there but repeats herself often and doesn’t remember a lot of the most recent events in her life. She does however remember much from her past but still even now there are bits of that is fading too. My mom has been her primary care giver up until a couple months ago. She still goes over everyday to feed her and to read to her. However, the nursing facility helps with a big portion of her care now. I just wanted to let you know how much this blog entry touched my heart as a grandson and as a son. I read it to my parents and I know that it touched my mom as well because she can so relate. We (my parents and I) are Christians and I believe it’s our faith in our heavenly father that gets us through each day. I just wanted to thank you for this blessing in the form of a blog. Even though it’s been three years this blog is still very significant today. God is still reaching to readers like me even now. I will be bookmarking your site and reading more entries in the future. May God Bless you!
Aaron Pope
Dear Aaron,
Thank you so much for your very thoughtful message. I’m sorry your grandma is struggling, what a blessing that your mom is still able to see her and help her every day and that you all have the Lord giving you strength. I don’t know how people do life without Him! Your kind words encourage me more than you know! Thank you for reading this post, sharing it with others, and taking the time to bless me! I’ve been discouraged about my writing lately and had recently prayed for encouragement, and I feel like you are an answer to prayer! Thank you and may God bless you!!
~Sherry
Lisa,
My Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago. I see her decline in various ways very often. The only thing that seems to bother her is forgetting something she just talked about, like a phone call as soon as she hangs up the phone.
Reblogged this on rcainblog.
This is so beautiful. I have seen too many people that say ” I just can’t go see Mom (or Dad) like this. I want to remember them like they were. This is so sad because today’s memories are just as important. And sometimes just being there holding their hand, tears streaming, remembering their love is the the most precious memory of all.
Thank you, Erma! And yes, exactly! Thank you for expressing this truth so beautifully! ~Cheryl
It breaks my heart when friends and family turn their backs on their love ones who suffer with this disease. I know it is painful, frustrating, shocking and fearsome to see and experience these radical changes in someone we love, we depended on, looked up to. But they are missing out on all the blessings of this experience and they are withholding the affirmations, assurances, gentle strokes of mutual love and gifts of God’s graces to them and to their love ones. I try to expose my adult children whenever possible and challenge them to come into the physical and mental presence of their dad, brother, neighbor and friend. My husband has new gifts to give to them if they but take the time and put aside their discomforts and embarrassment. I struggle with many issues each new day myself, but I also am grateful for the time I am given to care for and love him. It is extremely hard at times on some days and nights and then at other times there are amazing glimpses of insight, growing of patience, joys and gratitude, and a continuing learning experience of how to love him more and embrace the love he can give in his own ways. I know we will turn a corner when the opportunities will cease but until then my prayer and desire and hope is that his children, our relatives and friends can look past their discomfort and pain to see and experience the many gifts of love and joys still there deep under the surface of this disease. I have witness strangers getting it sooner than his own because they are free to see the beauty of this new person who still has much to offer with his/ her life.
Carol, I so agree with you! May God bless you as you minister to your husband and give you grace for each day. ~Cheryl
I actually just lost my mom to Alzheimer’s on March 2, 2017. It’s been a long horrible journey, 5.5 years in the best nursing home she could be in. My dad wanted me to bring her home since I was able to care for him until his death in October 2015. We moved her home 1 year ago. We had a wonderful year of being with her daily, EVERY day, because life does go on with nursing home families and sometimes we get very busy and don’t make it to visit as often as we should.
The last few days was very hard but worth every minute. I’m at ease with her leaving because she was happy until the end.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Terry. And I understand, my mom just passed on December 12, 2016. We were able to keep her in her own home, through the whole disease, with help. It was challenging, but I am thankful she had the comfort of being in her own home surrounded by family. The last few days were very difficult for us, too. But I was thankful I was with mom when she passed, and she looked so peaceful. May god bless you for the comfort you were with to your mom and may He give you grace as you miss her. ~Cheryl
The Alzheimer’s Caregiver
I know the one I love so much
Yet dwells behind those eyes.
I hear your heart, I feel your touch.
Your life is in disguise.
Your recent memories are few,
You can’t recall my name.
But I still reminisce with you,
And love you just the same.
And in some ways my memories
Are stronger than before.
Ironically, that dread disease
Helps my heart focus more.
You’ve loved and lived so faithfully;
Now I will see you through.
For though you don’t remember me,
I still remember you.
-Jim Hatcher
What a beautiful poem, Jim. It speaks truth to my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it with us. God bless you. ~Cheryl
My mom just died Feb. 6/17. I left home in Canada 4 years ago to come to the US to be with her in her time of need. I cared for her for a year by myself in her home. When I couldn’t do that anymore, I found her a good ASL where I visited every day for most the day. She depended on me and didn’t like others to help her. It was hard sometimes. I was with her till the end. I’m still trying to decipher my feelings. In my little bubble of denial. She was my best friend and was there for me always. What in the world will I do without her. Dementia is horrible. Taking a glamorous, funny, intelligent, kind and loving individual and reducing them to what it does….so hard. I’m wishing for just one more day with her so I could hold her harder.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Barbara. I just lost my mother in December and it’s such an emotional time. But take comfort in the beautiful gift you gave her of yourself and your time. You sound like an incredible and devoted daughter! May God give you grace in this time of mourning.
~Cheryl
My mother came to us not knowing her name or much else. She could hardly swallow.
I would nicely but firmly stop comments about what I would be facing. I am so glad I did that! I didn’t need to fear but trust, We weaned mother off all meds and there were a lot. We introduced soft Whole Foods and her favorites foods to encourage her swallowing. We took her out to church and to eat with others from the beginning. I never, ever see anyone who obviously has Alzheimer’s out! It’s like we lock them all up! I got wonderful thankful looks even when I had to wipe mothers mouth!
Month to month you could see the difference. She still had Alzheimer’s but she came back to enjoy her life! We used humor, kindness, even firmness at times. We had rules that were for her and our good. It was a difficult but rewarding and lovely journey! It really helped me get over the fear of getting the disease. My girls have promised to take care of me like we took care of mama.
God is so good!
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story, Terri! God is so good!!
~Cheryl
Thank you! Your words touched my heart and gave me an opportunity to give my children the freedom to choose.
Thank you for telling me this post touched you, Leilani.
~Cheryl~
Your comment left me with mixed emotions. My father started developing vascular dementia in his late 40’s with all the attendant judgment problems. In his mid-60’s, the heavy family history of Alzheimer’s appeared. We didn’t realize given his WWII service and history of post traumatic stress disorder. He’d always had a very explosive temper and self-medicated with alcohol.
The last three years of my father’s life were a joy and blessing. We talked and laughed. He was the man he would have been without PTSD. He forgot WWII, that his son committed financial and probable physical elder abuse, and his temper. I was able to visit him twice a year and we talked by phone daily. The staff first at his ACF and then at his nursing home said he waited each day for me to call.
Yet, when Dad developed the same staph infection for the umpteenth time, I asked his physician if he had to treat him. The MD told me he might be able to treat the infection 2-3 more times, but it was gaining resistance to most antibiotics and Dad’s health was steadily worsening. Most importantly, he thought he was under no moral or legal obligation to treat my father. Rather, the doctor said my father was in intolerable pain that he could not suitably treat without probably killing Dad.
Dad remembered he had written a Living Will and Medical Durable Power of Attorney mainly because he kept copies of important papers with him. He forgot how to read, but remembered the provisions. Fifteen years earlier, he made the decision to let my mom go after an overzealous ER doctor restarted her heart. She had been without oxygen for at least 45 minutes. He followed her wishes as that former RN and that all family members discussed at length ending treatment and agreed to for one another and themselves.
Do I regret the decision to end treatment and let my father die?No. I felt such love for my dad, some sadness at losing him, but mainly joy at a life lived honorably and successfully despite carrying memories that haunted him.
No, I did not inherit from my father. He changed the joint Will he made with my mother. I received some stocks that were in both my Dad’s and my names, a surprise. I thought he’d changed the ownership years before. My brother and nephew drained Dad of his substantial estate during the time he had signed over his financial affairs to my brother under threats and pressure. If I could redo anything? I would see my brother and nephew in jail for the abuse they visited upon Dad.
All of my nuclear family is now deceased. I do not trust my surviving nephew and nieces to care for me given their past behavior with my dad. I already have two areas of plaque in my brain but am asymptomatic for Alzheimer’s. I am in total kidney failure and just found out I have some serious liver issues all from prescribed anti-inflammatory medications.
My best friend of over 45 years holds my Durable Powers of Attorney. We’ve thoroughly discussed our values, beliefs about end of life care, what we want done when we’re dying and what we definitely don’t want done. I’ve participated in my church’s end of life seminars and graduate education in medical ethics. I have written with the help of my minister, doctors, and an attorney very clear instructions to guide my friend’s decisions when I can no longer make them.
It is my choice. Science surpassed the body’s natural dying process. I am taking it back for myself. I gave it back to my Dad.
That was so sweet Beth! You made me tear up the whole time I read it. You and your sisters are wonderful daughters to your mom and I’m sure she will know all about how much she was loved by you when she gets to heaven!
I am really blessed by your attitude and your wisdom Beth. It takes a born again real Christian to say what you said. Love, your Uncle Dave
I have a dear friend with this terrible disease. It is a continuous prayer that we can find a cure soon.
God Bless the families going through this🙏❤
😢I have done this twice….with my mother first and Daddy next. Would do it all again if I had to! This article
expresses my thoughts perfectly!
A great story. I lived the journey of Alzheimers with my dad, and was blessed to give back the love he had given me. Blessed that he was “happily confused “. Learn to live in the moment “wherever that may be”. I grieved the loss of my dad while he was sitting across from me, with dad having no clue I was his daughter. Many tears and much shared laughter, I was truly blessed.
I feel your article is both correct and wrong. My mom was also DX with dementia and from the very bringing she made it very clear that she did not want to live when it got to the point that she had to totally be cared for. Her mother my grandma spent last 10 yrs in bed with absolutely no control over any body functions. She lost all dignity which made us very sad. Grandma was a very proud woman. Do in closing I feel that you or no one should condemn those that would rather die then live.
This was Awesome! I need to print this article and keep for a reminder in case my Dad gets Azlhimer. Or I.
Thank you for your article. It brilliantly and concisely summarized my feelings for my husband as he is suffering through his dementia(FTD) Unfortunately for him, I believe it is my purpose in life selected by God. Many people, some I don’t know but who witness us together, comment on how they want to be committed to their spouse like I am. I also respond that I am married, it’s what married people do for each other with Gods help. I continue to pray that I’m making the right choices and for patience. Please keep writing and sharing with us. I’m grateful.
May God bless you, Gayle, as you care for your husband. And may He give you grace for your journey. And thank you for your encouraging words. They mean more than you know.
~Cheryl~
Ray has dementia I can not imagine my life without him he,loves thr nursing home and the staff all love him I go up all but two days week when I am grocery shopping or doing the wash my daughter-in-law has someone that cleans every other week and,my granddaughter doesn’t all the cooking andmy children come to see,him and,great grandkids he reads all the time and the nurses all tell me he is the sweetest kindest man they have ever meant they all come in and check on him he is my husband and best friend I would never think of something happening to him he Can’t walk .but can go to bathroom by himself VA got him a,fancy wheel chair and he is happy It takes .e 10 min to get to nursing home have made friends with so many at the nursing home he is happy and God has provided all our needs by God’s Grace we are doing good
This hits home. My mother had Dementia for over 5 years. It took a while for me to recognize the indications. I had promised her years before that she would not go into a nursing home. It’s a terrible disease that robs a person of their dignity. I told my son that I would take I-45 out of here if ever diagnosed with this.
Reblogged this on OverwhelmedByJoy.
From someone who’s Mom was bedridden for the last 8 years of her life, could not turn over in her own bed, could not feed herself , could not hold her own spoon, couldn’t change her own diaper, or hear a word you said, stared at the ceiling all day, but managed to smile on some days other days not so much. Believe me folks there are much worse things than losing your mind. My Mom had her mind up untill the very end but her body quit on her much much sooner. It’s not always the mind that goes first. The ironic thing was she told me several times she wanted to live to be 100. Never understood it but then again I wasnt almost 90.
I personally been thru this with my mom. Most all of this is exactly the way it happens. I wish i had read a lot more to her whether she listened or not. She knew you were there times and many she never remembered… its so sad. I regrett no long days i spent with her. But treasure each memiory. Miss her her ever day. Love you mom in Heaven. 😘❤️❤️