What I’ll Say to my Children if I’m Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s

I cant tell you how much this touched my heart. I feel so ashamed when I feel overwhelmed with caring for my mom. I’m 61, a new diabetic, running a theiving optical practice but have had 3 hospital occurances with mom since moving her her 4 months ago. She has dementia and a million other health issues and she is so noncompliant. When I miss work or miss my 17 year old playing in the plsyoffs it kills me. But my mom needs me. I am so torn and I hurt that she is having such a rough time. All I can do is pray. I dont have sny of this under control but God does. I live my mom with all my heart even in the evenings when she gets fiesty or rude. Praying for the caretakers!

How perfectly shared. I’m making my second journey down this road with my father now and my mother from 1994 until 2008. The road is long and full of sorrow and grief. But I count it a privilege to walk my parents home to that everlasting place Jesus has prepared for them.

Thanks for such a thoughtful post that so perfectly describes how many of us feel. My mother has dementia (FTD) and while I want her suffering to end, I would never want her life to end before God is ready to take her home, in His way and in His time. She is not afraid to die; she is, however often afraid of the dying process. I would like to free her from that, but that too is up to God. I am honored that she chose me to walk this journey with her and to handle her affairs. No, it hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it – every loving minute and every difficult minute. I am her lifeline, her touchstone, her memory, her everything, her best friend … and she is mine. She is so sweet when she apologizes that I have to do the things she never wanted me to have to do, but I remind her that she did those things for me and would do them today, if necessary. She is still so compliant 90% of the time that the 10% she is not means very little. She still says please and thank you, just like the strong Southern woman she has always been and raised me to be. We’re 6 years in and she has virtually no memory left. She has a host of other medical issues, so I don’t know what will take her first, but again, that will be up to God. I lay it all at His feet. Thank you for sharing and allowing us the opportunity to share. Bless you!

Beautiful. Thank you for writing. My mother, who passed 6 months ago, had Alzheimer’s.

It is hard taking care of some one with Alzheimer’s or dementia, and I feel those people want the easy way out for themselves. Because they are tired of the struggle, there is a point where patients are in a confuse state the majority of the time and they need our love, patience and understanding. However is not an easy job and it can take a toll on an entire family, that is why we should not judge any of them but instead he thankful that we still have the strength to continue our journey with our loved one’s.

My Dad slipped into the throws of dementia in his 80’s. It was difficult to witness and I often told myself I would not want my children to suffer through this with me. My Dad was a fabulous father, sweet and kind, focusing his entire life, even as a child, on providing the best life for his family. Dementia brought out an angry and sometimes cruel side to him that was out of his control. That was not my Dad, but it was hard to endure. Those episodes were sporadic and the sweet side of my Dad would appear often. He loved to sing and truly regretted not becoming the 2nd “Old Blue Eyes,” but eventually he forgot his love of singing. To his credit, my father was a great singer and performed from time to time. Music therapy helped in his final year of life.

I never wanted to see my Dad in a nursing home, but his care was out of my hands and his dementia made him a flight risk. The home we found put him on a lock down floor. The staff was excellent but it broke my heart that he was a prisoner of himself there. The home was overlooking the beach in Long Beach, NY, but he never seemed to appreciate the awesomely breathtaking view. Deep down inside, my beloved Dad still existed. He even knew my husband, my sister and me, even if he didn’t always know our names. My Dad was ambulatory until he turned 88. He passed away shortly before his 89th birthday.
Was there any quality of life in those final years? Did it help visiting when he would forget our visit five minutes after we left? The answer is yes.
People who grow old without dementia, suffering with illness and physical pain instead, have a rough time coping with their situation. The lucky few who live a long life avoiding serious physical pain and illness and dementia are blessed. We all know people like this, but there are few. People afflicted with dementia have one advantage –they may not be aware of how bad their situation is. It’s a heartbreaking conclusion, but still a comforting one. The father I knew would never have wanted to live his twilight years this way.
For those of you going through these difficult times, be as sympathetic, loving and patient as possible, cherish your memories of your afflicted loved ones, and hang in there. Always remember, life is precious.

I watched both my grandmother and my mom go through this disease. It was so hard to see both of them, so hard working, so full of life, so loving gradually disappear. I remember my dad telling me, after they had moved to assisted living, “I don’t know where my wife is anymore. She doesn’t even know me sometimes.” And that was another grief. But I always loved visiting. I am a musician and on one of my last visits with my mom, I wheeled her down to the lounge and played the piano for about an hour. Old hymns, popular music of her youth. She loved every minute of it, clapping, tapping out the rhythms even singing sometimes. As we were heading back to her room she looked back at me and said, “Gee, sometime when you come, you could play the piano for me.” I really cried about that one when I got to my car and yet she knew the music and loved the time, even if she didn’t remember it. I was mistaken for my brother, for my uncles (her brothers). I always took consolation that at least I was someone she loved. Thanks for sharing this. My siblings and I feel like there is that axe poised over our heads and we just wonder if and when it will fall. But I hope that someone loves me enough to come and visit, even if I’m not sure who they are.

Amen, what an awesome testamonie, it was a joy and a honor one of the most precious gifts I received from God,being in the position to care for my Daddy after he was diagnosed with A/D, one of the biggest growth sports Ibe had in my faith walk with the Lord, I’m so thankful for time I was given…Bless you…

My father (who died in 2011) had dementia. It was so incredibly difficult to watch him slip away from us one little piece at a time.But every once in a while there would be a moment of complete lucidity when he would look you square in the eyes and say, “I love you, Sweetheart.” It would bring such comfort to know that somewhere, deeply buried inside that failing mind, was the man you knew and loved.