Posted by I was skimming some other dementia blogs lately and a reader had written in saying, that though she felt guilty about it, she wished her mother would die in her sleep and not have to continue living through the pain and indignity of dementia. I’ve heard others say things like, “I’ve told my kids if I ever get Alzheimer’s just shoot me.”
I understand where these comments are coming from, but they make my heart heavy. I feel like these attitudes devalue my Mom’s life right now. Even though they are not specifically referencing her, they are in effect saying that people like her are better off dead. It is hard to see Mom changing and confused and upset. But she still has sweet times of love and joy, too. And God still has a purpose for her life.
He is growing our patience as we care for her. He is developing our tenderness and mercy. God is giving us opportunities to show love to a dear mom who loved us all so well when she was able and strong. He’s sending us smiles and laughter with Mom’s quirky ways and funny words. He’s challenging us to love faithfully when she is angry and difficult.
People with dementia are still people. And God still has a plan for their lives. Even when they are bedridden and can do nothing at all, maybe their very life keeps us clinging to God more. Maybe their very existence draws us closer to God as we seek Him and cry out to Him.
I fear having AD someday myself. (My mind already concerns me too often.) But if that day comes I’m not going to tell my kids, even jokingly, to just shoot me. What I would say to them is this…. Pray and trust God to guide you. Get as much help as you can. I don’t want you to sacrifice your life plans or family for my sake, but I want to always be part of your life.
If you need to find a nursing home for me, I understand. Pray about it and seek wisely. And then visit me often. Even if I don’t seem to know you, believe in your heart that part of me does. Hold my hand and talk to me. Tell me all about your life. Sing to me and read the Bible to me, please. Brush my hair and tell me memories of your childhood.
If I’m still able to chew be sure to bring chocolate. (You know your mom.) And hopefully I’ll have some adorable grandchildren to marvel over.
And don’t forget to take some time to just sit quietly next to me. Hold my wrinkled hand and let God whisper to your soul. I’m so sorry you have to go through this painful journey with me, but God will give you strength and grow you through it all. Hold fast unto Him. Sink deep into His love.
Everything will be better in heaven. Meanwhile, when I can’t talk anymore; just know that I love you forever and that being a mom to you was an honor and the delight of my life.
That’s what I’d say to my children. Oh, and I might throw in a “Be nice to your brother” for old-time’s sake.
God's Grace and Life's Challenges 
Hello. I am the marketing director at a health care organization that includes a skilled nursing facility . . .I am wondering if we could possibly print this in our news letter . . .of.course giving you a by line . . .it is a great message and something I feel that would be good to pass on to our resident families . . .
Absolutely, Leslie. I would be honored. My name is Cheryl Morgan. If you could include a link or reference to my blog and/or Facebook Page (both titled God’s Grace and Mom’s Alzheimer’s) I’d appreciate it and it may be helpful to families dealing with this. Thank you so much! Cheryl
Will do. My nursing director at the skilled care facility brought this.to my attention . . .it really spoke to her and to others who work at our organization. Thank you.
That really means a lot to me! Thank you!
That lady looked like my mother. She died in the nursing home june27, 2016 at 94, the same age as her mother, 94 did.
Thanks so much for writing this. My 83-yr-old mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers when she was 65. Dad took care of her at home until he passed in 2008. She was able to stay in her own home until last October when one of my sister’s moved her in with her. There are six of us girls and we are able to stay with her one day a week and help each other out. My mom is such a blessing to us. She knows us (most of the time). God’s been so good because it has been a slow progression. At church when they ask for testimonies, mom is the first one to stand up and praise God for how good He is and how blessed she is. When she can’t talk about anything else, that’s her theme … God is so good! Haven’t we been so blessed?! It’s such a blessing! Even when she’s having health issues and we are cleaning her and taking care of her, she’s so grateful. When we do her hair and nails, she always says, If I ever forget to tell you, I really appreciate your doing this. She’s such an encouragement and blessing to us that I can’t imagine her any other way. I know that as the disease progresses, this may change; but we’ll take one day at a time and praise God for His goodness.
Ruby, what a beautiful testimony your mom has! And your whole family! May God continue to bless you all and give you grace! Thanks for sharing such an inspiring story! ~Cheryl
God does not give people dementia, Alzheimer’s or cancer or any other problem or disease. Do you actually think the creator of all spends time planning your life? Who do you think serves who? Your here, good things happen to bad people bad things happen to good people. Live your life so when you die you will have done amazing kind and loving things for others.
When this biological mass I live in gets sick and if I get Alzheimer’s I am being erased. I am not in my body anymore. When I can’t take care of myself if you love me if there is no cure I deserve to die it’s my wish and I hope to hell my family honors it for me.
Julie, I never said God GIVES people dementia, or cancer, or anything. I agree that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. I agree your goal of living your life to do kind and loving things is a worthy goal, especially if it is out of love and obedience to God.
But I also believe God deeply loves us down to the details. Jesus is quoted in Luke 12: 7 (NLT) “And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid…” And I believe He does have a plan for those who love Him. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28, NLT)
I cringe to think of a family expected to kill a loved one in order to honor their request. What kind of memories and guilt and grief does any kind of suicide leave a family with?
Grieving the recent loss of my dear mother has been hard, but I have a peace that we continued to show our love to her. Our years of caring for her were challenging, but full of tender, sweet memories too. I can’t imagine how I would handle the grief now if Mama had killed herself or expected us to do it for her. I’m so thankful I was with her when she passed on with a gentle smile and a look of incredible peace.
What peace and contentment in the midst of the storm to know that we can rely on our Lord and the Scriptures during such times. Thank you for verbalizing your thoughts so well. Personally I am not dealing with the dementia issue right now, but I have several friends who are. And I plan to print this off in the event that the Lord brings such into my life at some time. Thanks for the post!
Thank you, Judy!
I’m heartened to read of your journey with your Mom. Dad and I kept Mom home as long as he physically could, found a residence we trusted with her care, and visited regularly at first, though not daily. As her ability to interact decreased, we checked on her less frequently. Eventually, Dad and I only went monthly. It was always difficult for him and seemed to make no impression on Mom. Mom passed after a stroke left her unable to swallow. This blessing came after seven years in the facility and thirteen years after her first symptoms. I will, someday, be able to learn from her how this journey felt from her perspective. Until then, I am thankful I could do what I did to help while she was able to be cared for at home and that we “visited” when we did. It’s a long and difficult trip, and I pray for strength for all currently traveling it.
Amen! It’s a challenging road, and people on it need our prayers!
What a graceful reply to a somewhat bitter comment. I am an RN that works on a Memory Care unit with 13 residents.
When I became a nurse I really wanted to focus on emergency medicine. I believe God had a hand in blocking my path to lead me to where I am today. Working with a population that can be difficult but bring so much joy to my heart.
I am able to care for and serve my residents and their families in a way and manner that would not work well in a busy ER. My residents and their families are my family.
The joy and blessings I feel when a resident sees me and smiles reminds me me that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit want us to experience love and that love will bring us to Heaven.
I serve my residents when their families cannot be there with them every minute and my sole purpose is to keep them well, safe and feel secure in their environment. They serve me with their smiles, hugs and sometimes saying random things that I know God put in their mouths to say exactly when I needed to hear it.
I am blessed to be able to laugh with them, sing with them, hug them, dance with them and bring joy to them. It is my honor to be there with them as they transition to death and know that they touched my life just as much as I touched theirs.
Thank you, Kimberly! I love your reply and I LOVE that YOU, and people like you, are serving as nurses in memory care! What a gift you must be to your clients and their families!
I also love what you mentioned about your residents saying random things that you need to hear– messages from God. We have often thought that with my mom, too! Thank you for your ministry and God bless you!! ~Cheryl
Thank you Chermor2 for a gracious and loving reply to this comment.
I took care of my Mother until she fell and broke her hip. It was a precious time for me to give back to her for the times she cared for me. It was sad to see her go but knew I did the best I could for her. Never would I have killed her or did she want to take her own life. This is not a choice it is a life!
Exactly, JoAnn! It is a life! Thank you and God bless you for taking care of your mother.
My precious Mother passed from Alzheimer’s disease. We kept her home as long as we could but when she needed 24/7 care, we had no choice but to put her in a nursing home because we all had to work. I went to see her every Sunday. The first year there, she was able to talk but could not remember anyone. I cannot tell you how painful it was for me when my mom no longer recognized me.
Soon, mom was in the fetal position. She couldn’t feed herself, walk, talk or smile. How I missed her sweet smile. I still went every Sunday and stayed all day with mom. I would lie beside her in bed and sing her favorite hymn, “How Great Thou Art”. At first she would sing the chorus with me then all she could do was hum the chorus. I still sang to her and I could feel her body relax while I sang.
My brother and sisters stopped visiting because they said “she was already gone” which infuriated me! She was still alive and she could still hear. My dad passed right before mom went to the nursing home so I was her only visitor until my niece started visiting my mom. We were the ones that held her hands, put lotion on her hands because mom always put Jergens lotion on her hands. We talked to her about recent events. I told her about her children and grandchildren. I never let go until she took her last breath. Mom passed at the age of 79 years old.
One thing I can tell you is that my mother loved God. She served God all of her life. He was with her in this life and now she is with Him in her new life. My faith should have faltered because I prayed so hard that God would remove this cup from my mom. Instead, my faith grew stronger because even though my precious mother could do nothing but lie in bed, she always responded to “How Great Thou Art”! She still loved God and her love for Him gave me comfort knowing she would soon be going home to be with Him. Sorry this is so long but Alzheimer’s doesn’t leave short stories.
Pam, I’m so sorry I just saw this today. My blog usually notifies me about comments, but somehow this one didn’t show up. Thank you for sharing your story. What a comfort to know that your mother loved God and is with Him now. And I love that she always responded to “How Great ThouArt”! My favorite hymn! What a blessing to know that your mother still loved God! May He bless you now and continue to give you grace. ~Cheryl
My mom had dementia and she was important to the end. She couldn’t talk to us, but she sang when hymns were played! My dad passed away before her, and she comforted her seven children, but couldn’t speak! We learned so very much during the years we were walking on that very difficult journey with her! We hurt when we had to place her in a nursing home! We hurt when she died, but had peace with the way were took care of her, and her us, during her last years. Yes, moving her to a nursing home was taking care of her! Also, my brothers and sisters grew closer during those times, too. It was extremely difficult, sometimes almost unbearable, but good came through, too. God walked us through it all.
Thank you, Sherry. God bless you.
How true your words are.
I went through Alzheimer for 71/2 years with my mother. Yes WE went through it together.
She had not been a loving mom. I really didn’t remember her ever approving of me. As an adult, to keep from being hurt, I just stayed away from her to keep that little girl inside safe.
To make this as short as possible…. I was the only one she had in those last years. Towards the end I would ask God why He didn’t just let her go to sleep and not wake up. What possible purpose could He have for keeping her alive in her condition?
I would sing to her, we would dance,( she loved to dance.) I would tell her about my life and her grandchildren (that she barely knew) We had shared laughter. One day her mind seemed to clear, I was amazied at the conversation she was having with a friend of mine. She looked over to me and said,”That’s my baby, I love her and I’m so proud of her. “ Words that I had longed to here!
Words that the wounded little girl needed to hear in order to heal. ❣️
Those years were not easy but I can honestly say, they were well worth it.
Wow, Linda! What a touching, powerful story of your faithfulness to your mom in such a challenging situation! And what a gift from God to hear those precious words from her! Thank you so much for sharing with us and may God bless you abundantly!! ~Cheryl
“What? Shall we receive only pleasant things from the hand of God and never anything unpleasant?”…….”So in all this Job said nothing wrong.” Job 2:10 I know this isn’t supposed to be a theological discussion and I’m not a theologian, but I believe God can give what seems bad, but is ultimately for good. So the fact is that He can and perhaps does, give us sickness, or struggles or afflictions. Otherwise maybe we are just believing some kind of prosperity gospel. Anyway, I wanted to say that I really loved this and wanted to say thank you for your sweet perspective on this illness.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and encouragement, Cindi!
So beautifully and poignantly expressed. Thank you.
Thank you, Suzan!
This is so sad but so true. People who talk loud and think they know it all are often the ones who know nothing about this terminal brain disease. My loved one is suffering from dementia for a long time but no one paid attention. My family think dementia and alzheimer is all but one and that it is curable – wrong! One day they will realized the spare times they had could have been spent with their loved one suffering from alzheimer or dementia. If only they knew the missed opportunities before it is too late.
I work as a nurse assistant at a nursing a home and often think about topics such as these. Beautiful article, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you, Veronica!
Read the book “My Two Elaine’s” by Martin Schreiber about dealing with his wife’s many years of Alzheimer’s
Thank you for sharing this article with us. It really touched me..
Thank you, Dovie! I’m glad it was meaningful to you!
Good comments, however, I have a Mother who has made it exceedingly clear that she will not go to a nursing home. I have my own health issues and when and if the time comes, I don’t know what I will do. Do I do as my Mother wishes and keep her out of a nursing home even though I can’t take care of her? So, like the woman you first used as an example in your story, I wish she would just go peacefully in her sleep if & before that time comes.
My Grandma always said she wouldn’t go to a nursing home either. But as she aged and had a few falls, she ended up in the hospital and then in a nursing home. She told me, with a surprised look on her face, that it was a lot nicer than she expected. Grandma was a very strong-willed, stubborn person and I was amazed that she’d changed her mind. Let’s hope your mother does, too. Sometimes when people are older and more frail they appreciate having the security of people around all the time to help.
I’d be very surprised if my Mom would change her mind. She blames the one Dad was in, briefly before he died in 2012. She says they killed him.
I’m sorry and I get it. My Grandma said she’s never forgive herself for putting Grandpa in a nursing home. I guess bottom line is you can only do what you can do. I hope things work out well for your family.
Thank you, my mom passed away in February from dementia and other health complications. Your writing expressed her wishes beautifully and my brother and I with the help of our spouses were able to honor her journey. My father passed several years earlier also from dementia. Yes it is a horrible illness, however the inner person still remained my loving parent. My moms unwavering faith allowed my faith to grow exponentially. Absolutely, there were times when this was a struggle but God used my mom in ways I never imagined and the lessons I learned will always remain tucked deeply in my heart.
Thank you, Eileen! I appreciate hearing your story. God bless you!
My husband was diagnosed with dementia in 2008. He had always told me that if he were unable to care for himself, he hoped that I would do something to end his life. I told him I could never do that, but that I would not do anything to prolong his life. He probably has FTD, a form of dementia in which the patient loses the ability to understand and conform to behavioral norms. He has now lived in four different care facilities and been in four different hospitals, because of his behavior. He has hit and shoved staff and other residents. He has grabbed women’s buttocks and breasts. He has undressed female residents fondled their breasts. He’s gotten into their beds. He threatened to rape a male resident at one facility. I could go on and on. He is now advanced enough that most of this behavior has stopped, although he still gets anxious and agitated and strikes out at times. Although medication has helped with his behaviors, what has really curtailed them is the fact that he no longer is able to walk without a lot of help. He also is totally incontinent, losing weight, has swallowing problems and has to have softened food and thickened liquids. My heart hurts when I see the intelligent, caring, compassionate man I married, who never wanted to live this way. going through this. He’s confused, agitated, scared. Why do we allow this to continue? The God I believe in is different from the one you believe in, but surely this is not what either of them wants.
I’m so sorry, Janet. What a heartbreaking situation! My Mom did some hitting and biting and swearing, which were all very shocking since she was such a gentle, loving person. But she still had many sweet times, too. Your circumstances sound so hard– my heart goes out to you!
When hospice got involved with my mother, they put her on medications that calmed her down quite a bit and even made her seem more often herself. Has that been tried?
I’ve never said God wills Alzheimer’s or causes it. It is one of many horrible things that we deal with in this world, I believe because sin came into God’s perfect creation.
But no matter what the cause of pain, I do believe God is with His children in it and will give us strength and grace to bear it. And I do believe life is sacred and that it’s up to Him to number our days, not us.
May God give you grace and strength, Janet. ~Cheryl
You would rather watch someone suffer everyday of their life. Even if it is God’s will. I do not want to be that person and my kids are busy and don’t need to worry and pay for me. I don’t want to be shot just let me sleep peacefully. I know this sounds cold but I have been sick for 25 years. And I have watched to many people suffer in pain and confusion waiting for that short time someone has time to visit.
Powerful. Living this right now. The words are therapeutic and make sense and give me strength. Yes she has been my best friend, confidant, and inspiration. She has loved me when I wasn’t lovable and guided me when I was lost. She always put everyone else’s needs before her own. She continues to see the best in everything and everybody. She is my loving Mother and I cherish her.
God bless you as you care for your mother, Mary. ~Cheryl
This is so beautiful. I’ve had an aunt & an uncle go with alzheimers. It is terrible. But all life is important. And i love the last line saying be kind to your brother–if only!
I’m sorry for your loss, Bj. Thank you for your comment and YES, all life is important!
Having experienced first hand the effects that alzheimers has on loved ones and their families, I am sadden to think that those that miss the opportunity to share the small moments that occur however infrequently. My dad had alzheimers for almost 20 years before we lost him to life…in that time the sweet moments that we shared will always be remembered. His humor was the last to go, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing, Camille. I agree — the sweet moments are treasures. What a gift that he kept his humor for as long as he did, too. God bless! ~Cheryl
Since my mom and dad both had AD, plus 2 of my uncles, I fear getting it, too! Mama always said there are things worse than death. AD is one. I still remember when Mama could not remember my first name.
I remember when my Mama didn’t know my name, too. It’s so hard. But then once in awhile she’d have clarity, and those moments were so precious!
Thank you for writing this. My mama had Alzheimer’s for many years. She passed away counting her children and she sang “You Are My Sunshine”! What a gift God gave us the last few days of her life. We had a wonderful loving mama. She is dearly missed
Oh that is a precious gift, Brenda. My mama passed in December and I miss her so much now, too. My Mom used to sing “You Are my Sunshine” too! But the last year or so of her life she quit singing. So Dad would sing to her. he changed to the words to, “You are my Sweetheart”. Makes me misty thinking about it. God bless! ~Cheryl
Beautiful! Thank you
Thank you, Lynn!
Thank you so much for your thoughts, I treasure the tiny bouts of lucidity that God gives my Grandmother and I’m comforted In believing that all the love she once had for me is still in her heart. 🙂
Yes, that’s what I did with my mama, too. You will always be thankful you did, Adriana. Keep treasuring the sweet moments and may God give you grace for the journey! ~Cheryl
Holy Crap Cheryl Morgan, I just got finished posting a blog on this topic https://billyhillhere.blogspot.com/2017/08/billy-hill-here-waiting-to-die.html and a friend sent me your posting. Thanks for those words, they literally crushed my soul (in a good way). It seems like only yesterday, when my mom could barely talk, that she would continually say “I wish we could all just get together, and eat, and laugh, and be in one place”. Now she cannot express this request. But I’ll be dang if I am not going to fulfill those last wishes over and over and over again. Thanks so much for sharing.
LOL, Billy Hill! I read your post. It sounds like we came to the same conclusion. Thank you for letting me know this post is meaningful to you. God bless you as you eat and laugh and care for your mother! ~Cheryl
How do you get so many people to comment on your posts? I like get 30-90 views a day, have 41000 views this year, and NOT ONE SINGLE comment. I have even antagonized people to leave comments and used reverse psychology – you better not leave a comment or Billy Hill will go all badass on you – I have only received one comment, and that was from a friend I asked to leave a comment because I thought maybe the comments were not working.
Many of my posts don’t get comments either, Billy Hill. For whatever reason this post really drew people to comment. Controversy? Emotional? Some just wanting to share their own experience or story of a loved one. I’m thankful for each one who does take the time and effort to comment. I know I seldom do when I’m reading blogs or stories, just because I’m in often in a hurry. Hope things are improving for you!
This post is beautiful. As I spend time with my mom, I find peace. I am saddened by her situation but I too believe that she deserves every loving moment I can share with her. She was always a strong, loving mother and I am honored to be able to give her comfort now. Please spread this post wherever you can. Thank you.
Thank you, Liz. May God bless you and give you grace as you love your mom! ~Cheryl
Thank you for writing this piece (peace.) The words you wrote describe my moments with my mom perfectly. It is so very difficult to watch “her” fade away, and especially heartbreaking to watch her grieve the loss of her husband, my dad who passed away just 5 months ago. He was her primary caregiver and though my siblings and I visited/called 3-5 times a week, we had no idea how difficult the task was until he died and we became her caregivers. We are doing our best to keep her in the home they shared as it does give her great comfort (as well as tears). And I too believe God is teaching us to be more merciful, patient, and tolerant of others as we enter each stage of her Alzheimer’s. She is a beautiful, smart, kind and generous woman. She deserves to be treated with the dignity and grace she modeled for us as we grew up in her care; all the way to the end of her life, Bless you for your kind and inspirational words.
Marion, your message brings tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry you lost your dad in the middle of this journey with your mom. My heart goes out to you and your family. I love that you’re trying to keep your mom in her own home. What a beautiful thing! We were able to keep my mom home too, but we had dad there the whole time which made a big difference, even though he couldn’t physically care for her the last year of her life. May God strengthen and comfort you and give you grace as you love and care for your mom. And may He bless you abundantly! ~Cheryl
Thank you for your kind and comforting words. Isn’t it beautiful how God helps us find people like you to give us that strength to continue the journey?! May He bless you abunduantly, too!
Thank you so much for this. It’s exactly how I feel. I want my daughter to read it, too.
Thank you, Julie. I appreciate hearing it is meaningful to you!
My mom passed away with Alzheimer’s. It runs in their family. My dad and my brother and his family lovingly took care of her (I’m on Maui, they are in the Philippines). Thank you for this post. I totally agree with you.
Thank you, AMaui. I’ve only flown over the ocean twice– once to go the Philippines to adopt four of our children, and the other time to Maui to celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary with my husband! Both places had such incredible beauty! Thank you for your comments! God bless you! ~Cheryl
Thank you for that.
Your thoughts are so beautiful! My mother had Alzheimer’s so I often think about the possibilities. I often tell my family (when I grasp for a word or thought) “Please take care of my when I am flakey”. I pray that they never have to go through that journey, as it was hard enough on them watching their Nonna go through it. If it should rear its ugly head, I pray they have the strength and love to “concure” it head on as we learned from my dad as he walked the path with my mom. Love concures all ❤ I know she is in Heaven watching over all of us, complete in mind and soul.
Thank you so much! I love your perspective of “concure”! God bless!
Love this love note to her children! I would agree with her totally!
Beautifully said, chermor2. I, too, was a my mother’s caregiver for 18 years. I confess, there were times when I thought she would be better off being with God in heaven. But there were many more times I was so grateful to be able to still be a part of her life. My faith carried me through those challenging years; without that I wouldn’t have been able to be the caregiver I was. I published my memoir this summer about my caregiving years in hopes to help other caregivers know they are not alone. My memoir is called “To Helen With Love: A Memoir of A Daughter’s Caregiving Journey. Feel free to check it out and see if you or anyone else you know needs some extra help. It’s not a one-person job…it truly takes a village to make this journey. God Bless You!
Wow, eighteen years is a long time! God bless you, Linda! Thanks for letting us know about your memoir and for being part of the village! ~Cheryl
I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. Because even though my mom thinks I’m her sister and doesn’t remember having a daughter. I know she still loves me and I will always love her.
I so understand. Mom didn’t know I was her daughter for years. But she would still say she loved me sometimes. And I treasured those moments. Thanks for taking time to comment, Ann. May God give you grace for your journey. ~Cheryl
Beautiful.
Thank you, Kathy!
Your words and thoughts are so touching! It brought tears to my eyes. I wish everyone could read this because we all know someone with this disease.
Thank you, Mary Jane!
Beautiful… so true.
Thank you!
So well written and on point. This spoke right to my heart and reinforced what I know from my personal experience with my Nana. Watching her slowly fade away was heartbreaking but the way you explained the precious moments was so true. When she was no longer able to be left alone but still carrying on conversations, I was about 8 months pregnant with my daughter. I was visiting her and standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes. She looked at me and said to my husband “she was my first you know” and he replied “I know” and then she said “isn’t she beautiful?” And he said, “I think so”. I know that she was trying to let us know she still remembered important stuff. She was so afraid of “losing her mind”. But in that moment, I had never loved her more. And in the next year and a half even though her mind would continue to betray her, I was privileged to have other such beautiful moments with her. Never would I wish this disease on anyone but I would do anything for this woman who gave her all for each of her children and grandchildren and if I had any one of these moments back, I would be the happiest person on earth.
Thank you, Amie, for sharing such a precious memory! Those moments are truly priceless! I treasure my memories with my dear mom, too. You sound like a very dear granddaughter and I’m sure you were a sweet blessing to your Nana.
I read the different stories of how everyone struggles with the pains of mental illness with a loved one. My Mom has been in a nursing home for eight years. She has dementia and a few health issues. I have been up and down with her health over the years she almost died 5 times. Each time we thought this was it and prepared for the worse but she rallied each time. She is now 99 years old! I have seen a lot of women come and go at the nursing home. I have questioned God over many of them. Why does he keep them alive. I don’t know the reasons but I have learned to trust that He knows what he is doing. I am neither the maker or creator of life or when life ends. The Bible says we all have an appointed day and time when we die. I too have asked to just let her go but He keeps saying not now. God has taught me many things about my mother and life. He has given me patience and love for her that I did not have before. I also have learned to love the other women in her unit. They so desperately need love and attention and yes at times they required extra patience, more than I have. But God speaks to me and reminds me who they are, his children, for they are like children and need love.
June, my mother, who I wrote this about, passed on this past December. My mother-in-law, who has dementia, has lived with us now for over two years. She is 95 and has often wondered why God doesn’t let her go to heaven. She was so intelligent, and now struggles to fill her time and has a hard time communicating. It is hard. But we tell her, God still has a plan for her. If nothing else, she is teaching us about patience and love — as you point out. I appreciate your perspective and love that you are giving time to other women in your mother’s unit. Thank you for sharing your story and God bless you!! ~Cheryl
Thank you so much for sharing you story about your mom. My mother is in a nursing facility and my sister and I visit daily. She she first realized she was getting sick she would tell my sister and I that if she ever got to the point that she couldn’t tell us she loved us, to always remember that she did and she always would! And to please keep her clean and neat. Often I am ask if mother still knows who we are. I guess the most suprising thing about this question to me is we had never wondered before her Alzheimer’s if she knew who we were. We always knew mom loved us! And she had always reassured us she always would!
Mother has always been a kind giving loving and Christian woman. I have often thought that it wasn’t fair for her to have to live her remaining years of her live in the condition she is in but I firmly believe God is good and he is still using her to touch others! Often nurses caregivers cna’s volunteers and residents tell my sister and I what a pleasant sprit mother has and how blessed our family ties are! So I say To GOD BE THE GLORY!!!
Elisa, you and your mother are giving God the glory for sure! May He continue to bless you and give you grace as you show love to your precious mother! ~Cheryl
This article meant so much to me. My dad died today (on the 5 year anniversary of the day my life was saved by open heart surgery so I feel there is meaning in that). But we started thinking he would die four years ago. I spent the first few years thinking it’d be best if he passed on and not understanding why he was having to suffer or what he could be getting out of life in his clouded dementia. But finding your article seriously changed how I felt. I started to see the things the REST OF US were learning and gaining from our trials, our laughs at his antics (like finding a bar of soap with a bite out of it), and just from knowing that God determines our life and death. Not man. So thank you for bringing me to a place I needed to be before my Dad passed on to Jesus (he became a Messianic Jew about 5 years ago).
Oh Annie, my sincere condolences on the passing of your dad. What an amazing comfort to know he is with Jesus! And thank you so much for letting me know this article was a help to you. It blesses me so much to hear that! May God’s comfort and grace surround you now and in the months ahead. Praying for you ~ Cheryl
Thank you!
So very true been taken care of my mom at her house for 6 years and would not change a thing . It will diffently bring you closer to God and your parent.
May God continue to give you grace and blessing, Becky! ~Cheryl
Thank you!! You have no idea how this helped me deal with the feelings I’m having about my mother’s diagnosis….
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s diagnosis, Krystal. I know it’s hard. I’m grateful to hear this post has been a help to you. Thank you for taking the time to tell me that. May God continue to give you grace and strength as you love your mother on this journey. ~Cheryl
Thankfully, I have not had a family member with Alzheimer’s but as a nurse I have cared for many people with the horrible disease. My Mom is basically a quite healthy and a quite young 70 year old but I do worry as the years pass. This was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is a wonderful way to explain how a person with Alzheimer’s should be cared for. I wish you well.
Thank you, Andrea. I appreciate your encouragement! I wish you and your mom well, too!
Wow ! Tears! Good tears. Just lost my Daddy of 90 years to Alzheimer’s and cancer on December 26,2017. I fell in love with my Daddy while taking care of him as if he were my child.
Love this. Thanks so much for sharing
Dianne.Samoff@sbcglobal.net
I’m sorry you just lost your daddy, Diane. I felt like my mama became my baby, too, as I cared for her. I grew to love her more deeply.
I’m grateful to hear this post touched you. May God bless and comfort you in the year ahead. Thank you for taking time to share and comment! ~Cheryl
This is for those of us who did not have the loving mother most of you had. She had 9 children so I suppose didn’t have time for us on an individual basis. When she starting getting dementia at 73 all my siblings except one sister shared in her care. She passed away at 90 so was sick for a very long time but she became so sweet and a different person after she was diagnosed. She was always selfish and quite mean before her illness. I placed her in a nursing home 2 years before she died but she was able to stay in her own home with my sister doing most of her care. I paid her to take care if her using mom’s pension and would take her home with me every other weekend. I would wash her hair and trim her nails, etc. I’m so glad I stayed involved with her care and the blessings she gave us during those years I’ll always have. I’m just saying that no matter what kind of mother you had you have to forgive her and love her and do the right thing. I promise you that you will be rewarded. Don’t pretend she doesn’t exist the way most of my siblings did. God will bless you for loving others the way he always loves us regardless of our behavior.
God bless you, Mona, for your powerful testimony! Thank you for sharing! ~Cheryl
I would never ask my family to take me out and shot me, but I’ve asked them to place me in a home where I’ll have good care. I don’t want them to visit me at all because I went through this with my dad and it wasn’t pleasant at all and I’m so afraid I’ll treat my family like that, and I don’t want to remember me like that. I want them to remember me as I was before this awful illness and remember all the good times and remember them often with their dad and themselves.
Having gone through this with my Mom, I can only agree.
Great article. Thank you
Thank you, Karen!
Totally love this!
Thank you, aphutch73!
This its precious. Thank you. My aunt recently passed and her life brought my cousins and me closer.
I’m so sorry about your aunt, Cindy. I’m grateful to hear this post is meaningful to you. And it’s a blessing when hard times bring families closer. God bless you!
I went through this with my mom recently and though some calls were hard over the last 2 years, missing her is still hard. When she couldn’t swallow any more she denied a feeding tube and was ready to not suffer anymore so we had to let go. Glad she is not in pain and frustration anymore but sure miss even her sometimes lost talks.
I understand, Pam. My mom passed December of 2016 and I miss her so often, even though she didn’t know me anymore. It is a comfort though to know she is at peace with Jesus with though.
My mom has dementia. She is a 5 foot tall stinker! She is on a walker & has already fallen 3 times. She thinks she can walk around the house many times without her walker. I have told her & told her we do not want her to get hurt & fall without her walker. Duh, I seem to forget she has dementia@ why on this world would she want to walk without her walker. I am guessing freedom from “I do know what!” I am my parents caregiver & boy patience is not my virtue. I need prayers please for my whole family.
Being a caregiver is so challenging! Praying for you and your family right now, Janie.
My dad has Alzheimer’s to me he is getting funnier cuz he comes up with this these stories my mom is staying by his side which I really admire her for cuz she has to do everything for him but they have been married for 56 years. I will love him forever. Thank you for this document. God bless you
I admired all my dad did for my mom, too. And mom made us smile and laugh many times. I think it may be god’s way of giving us a relief valve. Thank you for sharing your story, Brenda. God bless you, too!
Hi my name is Amelia and I recently founded Syble’s Babies for Alzheimer’s. I would love to send your mom a doll if you think she would enjoy it.
That is so kind of you to offer, Amelia! I wrote this post several years ago. My mom passed away December of 2016. She did get much enjoyment from a baby doll we bought her for though. She named it Annabel and would talk to her so sweetly. I’m thankful my sister-in-law suggested it and that we were able to see the comfort it gave her. God bless you in your new venture!